There Are Two Completely Different Problems Here
When someone says they need help managing stress, I want to understand which of two very different things they mean. Because the word stress covers a range of experience that requires completely different approaches — and what helps one does nothing for the other.
From what I've noticed working with clients, the most important question is not how much stress someone is experiencing. It is what kind. And most stress management — the entire industry built around it — does not make this distinction.
Hans Selye, the endocrinologist who spent decades studying the stress response, made this distinction in the 1970s. He separated stress into two categories: eustress — from the Greek eu, meaning good — and distress. His core observation was that the stress response itself is not inherently harmful. What determines whether stress is damaging or not is not the intensity of the response but its nature, duration, and whether the person has the capacity to meet it.
Most stress management treats all stress as the same problem. It is not.
What Good Stress Actually Is
Eustress is the activation that accompanies challenge, meaning, and engagement. It is what you feel before a presentation that matters to you. What sharpens your thinking when a deadline carries real stakes. What makes a difficult project feel alive rather than depleting.
What differs is not the physical sensation — it is the relationship to what is producing it. With eustress, the challenge is perceived as within your capacity. The outcome is meaningful. What you feel reads as energy rather than threat.
And critically: it resolves. When the demand passes, the system returns to baseline. The stress response was appropriate, it served its function, and it completed.
This kind of stress does not require management. What it requires is clarity — about what is actually being demanded, whether the resources exist to meet it, and what the work means. When those things are clear, the person who appears stressed is usually functioning exactly as they should.